When we went on vacation about 5 weeks ago a neighbor watered my garden. I told her not to worry about the stuff on the deck it was already pretty dead. I should have told her to water this little Peace Lilly. It looked great before we left but it looked like this when we got home.
I couldn't throw it away. We've even cleaned the deck off and we left this sad plant in the middle of the picnic table. The interesting thing about this plant is it looks like I have felt.
Someone told me to read the book "The Shack." She said with everything you have gone through this book would be great for you. So, I took it to the beach with me. The book is about a family who had a child die. The story takes place 3 1/2 years after the death. I was immediately wrapped up in the book because it has been 3 1/2 years since my mom died and 5 weeks after Mom died our baby, Olivia, died.
I thought the book would be healing. There are great analogies in the book about how much God loves us. His main desire for us to have a relationship with Jesus Christ, to put our total, complete trust in Him. It even gave a glimpse into the fact that our loved ones that go before us our having the best time of their lives.
Wow!! I know that Olivia is having the time of her life. I always told Bert that it was very comforting that she has 2 grandmothers looking out for her there. I know, it's heaven, Jesus is taking care of everything. But in my human heart a gradmothers lap is a great place to be rocked, especially when you weigh less than a pound.
I don't know if the book just brought back a lot of emotions, or if it has some theological holes that I had a REAL problem with or if it just got me back wallowing in my self pitty. But, I have been mad for about a month.
I have really asked God to help me deal with some of the emotions. Our Sunday school lessons have been great eye openers. Our pastors sermons have been extremely healing.
A lot of my pain is that if I let it go who will remember, especially Olivia, only 5 people saw her and held her. God knows I'm real stubborn about totally giving this to Him. He has been very patient with me, so has Bert.
O.K. So, here is this dead, injured, fried plant. I decided today that I was going to throw it away. But whoa! Under all the dead are these beautiful, tiny green leaves. The plant isn't dead all the way through, and neither am I. The pot the plant is in has always looked good just like I can always clean up and smile. But inside the pot the rot was taking over.
So, the plant didn't talk.... but I saw those pretty hardy green shoots and thought "God, I don't know how life can come out of all the deadness, but I trust you enough to know that you will turn all things to good."
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plants to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
1 comment:
thats so awesome. i love it when God speaks in ways that are so personal. they seem so insignificant, but they are really profound. He speaks through anything He chooses. i've been reading in the book of job lately, and what an amazing story about a man who loved God and served Him yet was allowed to go through such pain. why? why does God allow things that seem so bad happen to those He so desperately loves! i really dont know. i can't say i know what you are going through but i can tell you that it breaks my heart. i dont blame you for questioning and struggling. you are right...olivia is taking turns rocking in her grandma's laps and she is having the time of her life. one day all these questions will be answered and all our tears will be wiped away. im so thankful for that....
know this...you are in my prayers as God continues to speak to you.
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